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These jokes put up here were sent by friends and I hold no copyrights to any of them. They are put up here not to offense anybody, but purely for a good laugh. Thank you. Have a nice day.
[Stupid Drivers]
[Job Interview]
[Ah Cheng Buoy Roti]
[Ah Lian]
[Little Led Liding Hood]
[Beauty Contest]
[Shit]
[Love Poem]
"I tell you ahh ... my driver very stupid wan ... you see la!" the first businessman said, before calling his driver, Ah Chong.
"Nah Ah Chong ... here's ten dollars ... go buy me a Mercedez Benz."
"Yes sir ... right away!" Ah Chong received the ten dollars and rushed straight away to the car showroom.
"See?" said the businessman.
The second businessman, not to be outdone, said "I'll show you what is real stupidity!"
He then called his driver, Ahmad and said "Ahmad, go home now and check to see if I'm home," to which Ahmad replied "Yes Sir, right away!" and ran home.
"See?! Ahmad can't even use his brains to see that I'm already here! Now that is real stupidity!" the second businessman said.
Later, the two drivers, who knew each other, met. Ah Chong said "Eh you know ahh ... my boss ahh ... real stupid wan. He gave me ten dollars to go buy him a Mercedes ... he didn't know today Sunday la ... all the showroom where got open!"
"Aiya ... my boss even worse ... he ask me go his house to check whether he's home or not. He oledi got handphone wat ... just call him at home and check la!!!"
Job Interview
An Ah Beng went for a job interview wearing colourful attire. When the
manager saw Ah Beng, he thought to himself "Not this man!!!". Nevertheless,
he had to entertain Ah Beng. So, he said "I'll give you a chance at the job
if you can make a sentence out of these words".
Looking at Ah Beng's clothes, the manager gave him the words green, pink, yellow, blue, white, purple and black.
Ah Beng thought for a while, then his face lit up as he gave his sentence:
"I heard the phone go green-green and then I pink up the phone and said "Yellow? Blue's that? What? Wrong number. Next time don't purplely disturb people and don't call black!"
Ah Cheng Buoy Roti
Once upon a time,a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted
the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs
and told them to select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant and
kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager
had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of
talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs were actually
asking for the song Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers.
Ah Lian
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th floor of a
building and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked
at the buttons, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was
then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were
puzzled and really had no idea what the letter G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally
reached the ground floor,the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked
the first Ah Lian, "Waa, how you know wan?" The first Ah Lian reply smugly,
"Easy laa...G for Gelo mah..."
Once upon a time hor, got one girl little led liding hoot. She want to go to Ah Mah's house. Morning oledi she go out, she got take come one basket to put flower. She don't want to walk long-long so she take short cut. Wah!!! she dono got one animal follow her one hor! She happy-happy walk until she come to Ah Mah's house.
"Ah Mah! Ah Mah!I come, open the door leh?"she talk.
Then Ah Mah also talk back,"Come in lah I never close one".
Little Led Liding Hoot open the door and go inside the house,
she see her Ah Mah on top of the bed.
She go ask Ah Mah. "Ah Mah, how come your eye veli big wan?"
"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.
"Ah Mah, how come your ear veli long wan?"
"So veli easy to hear you laah!!!!"
"Ah Mah, how come......."
"Aiyaa!!!! So many question one ah you....never die before heh?"
"Solilah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".
"What soli-soli?! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one
you know................."
Wah! Little Led Liding Hoot veli scared, she scream veli loud but too late oledi, the animal oledi eat her. She now inside stomach.
Suddenly got one fella, go inside the house. He cut wood wan. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, so he go and cut the animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late oledi, Little Led Liding Hoot become shit oledi.
........ Finish Oledi ....... Tengkiu Tengkiu ......
Beauty Contest
Miss America, Miss Australia, and Miss Singapore are the finalists of a
beauty contest.
Now....the judges are asking 4 questions to the finalists...the 1st question is:
"Name me an electrical appliance starting with the letter l..."
Miss America is as confident as ever, and replies straight away:"..lamp..."
Miss Australia replies: "......light bulb...."
Now Miss Singapore is not too sure......she finally says: ".....ladio...."
Then the judges say: "....sorry, radio doesn't start with letter l....."
Now the 2nd question is:
".....name me an animal starting with the letter l"
Miss America says confidently:"....lion...."
.....and Miss Australia says: "......leopard....."
And now Miss Singapore isn't too sure again....she says: "...labbit..."
the judges say: "...sorry, rabbit doesn't start with the letter l....."
Now, the 3rd and last question.....
"....name me a fruit starting with the letter l....."
Miss America says: "....lime...."
Miss Australia says: ".....lemon...."
Now Miss Singapore knows the answer for once.....she is very confident
about it and says: "..liew lian..!!!"
The judges shook their heads, but nevertheless proceeded to the final question.
"....name me a part of the human body that begins with the letter l ...."
Miss America says: "....lung...."
Miss Australia says: "ermm.....liver...."
Miss Singapore grins and says....
".....LAN CIAU?...."
Shit
One day, Ah Beng and Ah Seng were walking when they saw something in their path.
"Wait! What is that, huh?" Ah Beng cried.
"Yaloh! Be careful lor!" warned Ah Seng.
"What is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
"Eee ... look like shit la!" said Ah Beng.
"Hmmm ... smell like shit!" replied Ah Seng after taking a deep breath.
"Ah Beng then poked his finger into the thing, raised it to his lips, tasted it and said "Taste like shit also!"
Ah Seng grabbed the thing with his hand, licked it and confidently said "Confirmed it's shit!"
Then they smile at each other and said "Waa ... lucky we didn't step on it."
Love Poem
To Ah Lian ...
Your beautiful face no fight,
Silky hair everybody like,
Your horse figure no horse run,
Big big eyes, small small mouth, cannot tahan,
one word, marry wife follow wife, marry cat follow cat,
You go there, I go there.
If you are the moon, I'm the star beside you.
If u are a flower, I'm the leaf of your flower.
When you exercise, I'm your sweat at the armpit.
If you are shit, I'm the fly.
When you are bathing, I'm the soap.
To sky mountain sea corner,
You are my woman this lifetime.
from Ah Beng.
© Copyright Mike_Macha 1998