Kuala Lumpur, 10 MAY 1998 - Monkeys, chimpanzees and orang-utans at Zoo Negara have baffled scientists worldwide when they started 'talking'. The apes' speech capabilities were discovered early yesterday morning when Goku, a 5 year-old orang-utan, greeted "Selamat Pagi" to the caretaker, Mr. Macha Subramaniam before proceeding to sing "You Are My Sunshine", much to the surprise of Mr. Macha.

"I can't believe it ... I almost died of a heart-attack!" said Mr. Macha.

The apes have reportedly refused to answer questions, prefering to use their new-found skills to insult and challenge human beings. Mr. Tai Paw Wong, manager of Zoo Negara, was equally stumped after trying to strike up conversation with one of the apes.

"I'm really baffled! Albert kept refusing my pleas to ask him questions. Instead, he kept switching and mutilating our conversation and I think now he knows more about me than the other way round!" Mr. Tai sighed.

Some apes have also acquired intelligence way beyond normal human capabilities, indulging into stuff like negative time, anthropic principles, quantum physics and universal theories.

"All known particles can be divided into two groups, particles of spin 1/2, and particles of spin 0,1 and 2 which give rise to forces between matters in the universe," said 11-year-old orang-utan Ahmad Newton.

Zoo authorities and local scientists were unable to explain the bizarre turn of events. Top researchers and scientists from around the world would fly in immediately to conduct tests and researches.

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© Copyright Mike_Macha 1998